My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
