I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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