Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish my penis had an off switch
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize