real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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