At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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