I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
