Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
