O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
