I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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