How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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