So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
