did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
