ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
