Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
