I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
