i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
