i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
