the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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