I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
