there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So much rum. So many feels.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
