Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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