the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
