Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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