i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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