So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
