whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize