There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
