You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
whose parrot is this?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
