Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
