he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
