I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
