U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
