If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
