you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
