You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
