So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
