i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
