finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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