everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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