Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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