walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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