I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
