i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
