you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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