i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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