Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
