He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
