just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sorry about my life...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
