and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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