Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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