Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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