try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
