Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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