Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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