I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize