My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
