he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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