she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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