i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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