She is in my trunk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
