I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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