While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
