nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
