We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
