You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
