My hand turned me down
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
