maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
