The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
