so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
