Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
