Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
