on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
