Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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