whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
