Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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