Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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