Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
