sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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