Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
