I can tuck mytits in my pants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
