he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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