Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
