Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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