Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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