I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize