If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
