in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
