Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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