im drinking this country out of the recession.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize