Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
