Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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