Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the day after is always just damage control
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
