Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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