I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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