It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
