i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
