ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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