i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
