Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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