I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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