the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
