NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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