Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize